Seven minutes of madness sinks Lewes Men’s 2s

My previous match report was also my first for the club - a slightly overlong epic, inspired by a rousing victory. This one’s harder to get up for, particularly as it was my error that opened the floodgates that Mid Sussex then gratefully leapt into.

Anyway. Settle in for the long haul. And let’s push on.

Lewes started the game with customary vigour, good distribution across the pitch and a sense that this was a game for the taking. But Mid Sussex are a canny crew - disciplined, well settled, and after a self-confessed shaky start to the season, really improved since the away fixture that finished up 1-1. Some early counterattacks from Middies, with good movement upfront, showed off their new form, and served as a reminder that Lewes’ defence would need to hold steady if the team was to build on early possession.

Hold steady they didn’t. Lewes’ attack were outwitted upfront one too many times. Some misplaced passes followed by a bit of carelessness from Lewes’ defenders resulted in a penalty corner. This was capped off by another straight shot wiggling it’s way straight through the Lewes keeper. For the second week running Bullmore was left fervently praying to the Hockey Gods for redemption. “Please, if anyone can hear me, I’ll do anything, even umpire the next Lions game, if you just let us back into this….”

It wasn’t an unreasonable request given the bouncebackability the Lewes lads possess and the intent the team had show in the first 20 minutes. But the Hockey gods, possibly angered by Lewes’ questionable selection of pre-match changing room music, weren’t ready to put out. They looked down on the game and said “No Lewes. Today’s been a bit boring so far. Your 4s won 11-1. For the sake of fairness we’d far rather see you get mashed. But not in the fun, ravey way some of you may enjoy. In the ‘lets see how many goals you can concede in 7 minutes way’”.

And, for the sake of brevity, that’s what happened. No one really knows how things slid away so quickly. I was on the pitch and I still don’t. Ok that's not strictly true but we'd all prefer not to dwell on it. It wasn't pretty. But credit to Middies for seizing on Lewes’ sudden loss of momentum, and swinging it resoundingly back in their favour. In just 420 seconds they slotted in 4 goals. That’s 1 goal every minute and 45 seconds. Or 2 goals every 3 and a bit minutes. Basically, lots of goals. Goals from short corners, goals from open play. Lewes headed in to half-time dejected, and 5-0 down.

Let’s not dwell on that. I mentioned bouncebackabilty earlier and bounce back Lewes did. Lewes’ motivational speaking duo Thomas and Daniels (currently taking bookings for weddings, christenings and corporate events) sprinkled their coaching dust over the team. A more even second half was played out, and despite several chances both ends, both defences kept clean sheets.

If Lewes had a below par performance in the first half, collectively everyone picked their game up and redeemed themselves in the second. However some of Lewes’ frailties were still exposed - a lack of intent and outcomes in attack, and the odd bit of sloppy marking in defence. Lewes’ penalty corner routines have been reliable of late but that wasn’t the case in this game.

The second half finished 0-0. But the meddling bureaucrats at Sussex Hockey apparently require you to count the goals scored in both halves. A truly astonishing ruling that any right minded person should object to. What’s the point of home advantage if you can’t influence the result? So, final score 5-0.

Middies’ maturity and solid defensive play won the day. And they took their chances well. A game played with real intent and in good spirits, which continued into the clubhouse afterwards. It would have been nice of Middies to let Lewes win the post-match boat race but they easily beat Lewes in that. The rotters. But what should you expect from a team that foregoes the traditional jug of snakebite for a jug of Aperol spritz? Crazy scenes.

MOTM: Sam Rea

Report by Simon Bullmore